went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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