Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize