I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".