Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.