I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is