and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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