You're completely useless in the revolution.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
