Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
