it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
