The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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