She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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