Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just pee around me
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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