1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize