she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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