i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
