do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
