that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
