Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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