there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
