Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
well you can't waste a boner
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
