That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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