Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
