tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
