Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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