Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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