What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
