he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
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Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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