his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
