god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
