i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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