I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize