I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just want to make out with him forever
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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