Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
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