i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
