i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
