Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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