i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
