if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
this hospital has no fireball
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
