when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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