A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
