Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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