I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
