If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
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He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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