Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
