Where is the hickey?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
