I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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