I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
