apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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