went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize