Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
