you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
