he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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