Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
