my mouth tastes like poor choices
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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