We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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