chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
