i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
