Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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