Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
