They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
