Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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