I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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