He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
