Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
