Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
