i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
