why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
