Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
