Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
