When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
