Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize